Wednesday, May 11, 2016

Life Philosophy

Do you have a philosophy of life? If so, what is it? If not, what is your method for making important decisions?

So I wrote down a bunch of journal prompts in an excel sheet, numbered them, and now when I feel like writing I just pick a number and start typing. Pretty cool, huh? That way if I'm not feeling particularly inspired, I have a jumping off point. I'm hoping this will keep on on the path of at least posting a few times a month. Journaling is good for the soul.

Well, anyway, down to the prompt shall we?

I think if I had to describe my philosophy of life, it would be to take things one day at a time, and appreciate all the small things around you. 

Once upon a time, when I was much younger and much less beaten down by life, I used to think that having a plan was the only way to get through. I obsessively planned out my college years, and the adulthood beyond. I just knew I'd graduate in 4 years. I'd be a teacher, and I'd have 3 kids and a big house. Oh, yeah, and I'd do that all by the time I was 25.

College came, and for the first two years I worked my ass off. I had no time for friends, or the beach, or anything really because I was too busy sticking to my plan. You can't graduate with a teaching degree/credential in 4 years without taking 14+ units a semester. I was exhausted. I was frustrated. I took a step back, and realized that I was hurting myself but not giving myself any time for the real college experience. That was the first time I let the reins loose, albeit a tiny bit, and it felt good.

College came, and went. Suddenly I was faced with a wide world full of everything... except jobs. Yup, I graduated right during the recession, when teaching jobs were few and far between. The substitute list in our district had over 800 people on it. It was daunting. I was angry. Didn't I just work so hard in college so that I could get out, get a job, and get back on my plan track? What the hell was I going to do now? Needless to say, I freaked out. I admit, I cried a bit. Then, I let go of the reins a little more and just found a job. It was kind of what I wanted to do. It made money. It let me stay in the city I had fallen in love with. So be it.

You get the picture. Life kept hitting me with unexpected road blocks, and after a time it finally battered my plan to pieces. The funny part is though, that the more that happened, the happier I was. I realized that you kind of just have to let things happen sometimes. I mean, you can't be a spectator. You've got to get out there and seize opportunities. But I also learned that you can't plan everything. Life won't let you. So I've accepted that, and I've learned to love it.

Now, when I make big decisions it's all about potential. When I chose to take my new job, as a part-time, as-needed worker, I was leaving another possibility. I chose this one, because the potential for something permanent was higher. It was a risk, but I figured it was a risk that was worth it. That's what my life has become. Weighing potential, weighing risk, making decisions based on that. It's worked! For other things, like our wedding for instance, I decided that it wasn't worth my mental energy to try to freak out, or plan too much. I was just happy that the potential in that instance was marrying the man that I loved. If he was there, and I was there, everything else be damned.

My life is about potential. It's about possibility. And, as much as I can make it, it's about positivity. Loving the good things, appreciating the small things, always looking forward.

No comments:

Post a Comment