I was going to write this long post about self care, and admitting when you need it, and then my brain decided that writing about cooking would be a much better topic. Since I'm trying to just let whatever wants to come out when I write just come on out, I decided to go with it. It kind of borders what I was going to talk about anyway, just with more pretty food pictures. And who doesn't love food?
Cooking is one of the things that I lost during my battle with anxiety and depression. Now that I'm far enough away from it, I can admit that's what it was. If you asked me during that time what was wrong with me, I would have just told you that I was fine. Just tired. Just stressed at work. Just just just. All of that may have been true, but the real fact was that it was all mashed up together, roiling under my skin and making me feel awful. I couldn't face it, which means I couldn't deal with it, which means I couldn't get better. I stopped doing a lot of the things I loved. Cooking, nail painting, puzzles. I spent a lot of time sleeping and watching tv. Which, for those of you who know me, know that isn't me. I have nothing against people who watch tv, mind you. It just isn't me.
Anyway, I'm proud to say that I have my cooking mojo back! That, above all else, has proven to me that I'm feeling better. I have the want to cook. My mind dances with possible recipes, I find myself lovingly picking out ingredients at the store, and standing at the counter doesn't even phase me as I chop away. I love watching all the things that are in front of me slowly turn into something cohesive and enjoyable. It makes my heart happy, and I so missed that feeling.
This week I made a Korean Beef Bowl recipe, some Swedish Meatballs and this all veggie stir fry. I'm trying to incorporate a lot more vegetables into our diets, especially now that we're not going out to eat constantly instead of cooking at home. It's been a lot of fun to try out new recipes, and B has been a trooper through it all. I know sometimes he gets slightly miffed at the large amounts of mushrooms I put in things (I love mushrooms way too much), but he always is willing to try the new crazy recipes I find, and I'm happy to report that he's found them pretty tasty so far. I missed feeding someone else. Watching someone eat what you make, and enjoy it, is a feeling that is hard to explain.
Today I ventured out to a Japanese market to go and get some ingredients for shumai. I haven't made that in so long, and it's kind of ridiculous how excited I am to sit for an hour and stuff those little wrappers. I also found out today that Lakewood is starting its own little farmer's market right down the street from us on Saturdays, which I'm thrilled about. Nothing is better than wandering the rows of fruits and veggies. Soaking up the sun. I feel good. I feel productive. I feel like cooking. There's a joy in cooking, for me. So, don't be surprised if I bombard you with pictures of food in the coming weeks.